When I rolled into my garage on Sunday (after being on the road for thirty days), I had a brief (but insufficient) cry before I got out of my car. As soon as I stepped inside the house, I made a beeline to my sunroom, greeted all my plants, and spun around to take in my favorite place—my home within my home. From there, I popped out into the back yard, and wandered across the patio. No sooner did I hit the back edge than a black butterfly, the black butterfly, caught my eye as it circled around the faded pollinator garden, zoomed towards me, twirled around my head, and took off. It was the best kind of homecoming.
(For those of you who are new here, I have a post, The Solution to the Pain, with more about the black butterfly—what it means to me and why seeing it first thing upon my return is significant).
I still have not had a really good cry. And I know there is much for me to process, integrate, and absorb. There are probably also quite a few things for me to let go and set aside. So, for now, I want to share some (initial) key takeaways from this incredible four-week driving and recording tour that took me from Virginia to Denver and back (in one giant oblong route through the South, Southwest and Midwest).
I have a lot of energy, so when I get one thing done, I tend to move on quickly to the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing. I don’t savor. I don’t appreciate or celebrate, for myself, the accomplishment. On this tour, however, I practiced soaking it all up, one day at a time. I remained present with myself. I stayed connected with my besties back home. And I focused on the person in front of me everywhere I went—whether it was a woman I was recording with, a friend (or couple) I stayed with or a person on the street, at the gas station or in the hotel lobby. My goal is to continue to practice that kind of presence when I am alone at home. I will savor myself for myself.
Since I left on August 30th, I have been driving into Fall as it occurred at different stages across different parts of the country. That means I have been driving into (seasonal) change—not just in nature but also in myself. But I am not different. The change is about expansion (which really started in July when I did a mini tour around Atlanta) and grounding (in and through a different part of my body, not just my legs and my feet).
Release of the feminine—as in being in touch with the feminine within myself and embracing her through the mystery of joy, delight and pleasure. (I got that last part from my conversation with Kristen in Boulder, CO…so look for that episode in the months ahead). It is not just softness. It is a tenderness. I want to acknowledge it, own it, and express it in my relationships with others.
Unshame wants and desires—especially around money (meaning, tap, unabashedly, into the resource of your source). To know my worth is not wrong or bad. It is not a choice between brazen self-indulgence or shrinking self-effacement. It is neither pride or pride in reverse. It is knowing my worth, asking for what I want without shame and pursuing my desires without guilt—it is another form of joy, pleasure and delight (there it is again).
I can trust my body to tell me what I need to know and my heart to show me where I want to go.
I know exactly where I am, who I am, why I am and what I am.
The first two weeks of this trip, including my drive north from Santa Fe, through Colorado and up until I got to the point where I turned right (aka east) towards Denver (and crossed over the Rocky Mountains), I traveled east, west, north and south on roadways that I took, in the past, with my ex-husband, for my ex-husband, or because of my ex-husband. Those roads held parts of an older version of myself. At times it felt like I was driving into, through or across an old story. And you know what? When I left Santa Fe (really, even while I was still there) that old story felt complete (not done—complete…as in whole…as in I am whole and that old story no longer breaks me apart).
The last two weeks of the trip were all new-to-me routes and roads I had not taken before. The drive from Denver to Nebraska to Iowa through Indiana to Illinois, and then to Michigan, Ohio and then home, was brand new territory. Nothing looked familiar. But I was not afraid or uncomfortable in the unknown. Nor did I sense that I was blazing new trails. I was however writing new stories—stories of joy and pleasure (that was a promise I made to myself when I wrote the end of my memoir in late Spring 2024 and on this trip, I kept that promise). Now I want to expand that to include stories of delight.
On my trip, I did not make any of the usual stops you would expect on this kind of a cross-country road trip. I did not have barbecue in Memphis. I did not go into Chicago proper. I did not go visit the Plaza in Santa Fe. I didn’t even go into Lincoln, NE—I only stopped there on my way to the small town of Plattsmouth. (true confessions: I did go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland and the Cadillac Ranch in Amarillo so…) Sightseeing in the usual sense was not the point of this trip. The point of this trip was the people—the women I recorded with, the men and women that I visited or spent time with who were not part of the podcast project, and the total strangers I met and talked to along the way.
I spent a lot of time in other people’s homes and in many cases, I stayed with them for at least two or three nights. All of the recordings (except for one, which I did in a park because my guest really wanted to get out of her house) were done in each woman’s home—specifically the spot in the home in which she feels the most comfortable (my equipment is fully mobile and flexible by design so I always let my guest choose where do this). Each of these women, on their own or with their partners, children, other family members and certainly their pets, welcomed me into their homes. They trusted me. They felt comfortable and safe with me. They received me in and I gladly joined them where they were in their lives.
And finally, without getting into bigger meta topics, this post would be incomplete if I did not say that this country is magical. As stunning as the vast, open spaces, the majestic corn, or wild wildernesses are, it is the people in, around, and in-between all those places that are truly incredible. They are all so full of love, care and compassion. I cannot tell you how many strangers helped me when I needed something, took the time to chat with me, and joined me in goofy hijinks when invited to do so. Far out the reach of the internet, social media or any other kind of electronic transmission, it was a naturally occurring communal experience. I firmly believe that the medium is the message and when the medium is analog, person-to-person, face-to-face, and heart-to-heart, the message, loud and clear, is love.
Like I said, I return home changed, expanded, and more grounded. I return home as more of myself.
RAFFLE UPDATE: To learn more about the special somethings in the Southwest Region package that you can win in the raffle, check out the Day 24 Reel on my Instagram. And while I do not have a Reel to show you (yet), I can tell you the Midwest Region package is full of awesome-ness: Nebraska chocolates, a signed copy of Courageous Gilbert by Regina McCarthy to represent Illinois/Chicago, an embroidered Iowa dish towel, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame stickers, and much more. (I will make a reel about that so follow me on Instagram and see it tomorrow once I post it).
To be entered into the Discoball Tour Raffle and have the chance to win one of the three packages I made, become a paid subscriber before October 1, 2025. Names of the winners will be drawn on Wednesday October 1st.
For more about the raffle—and how being a paid subscriber helps me amplify more women’s voices— check out the post below.
Meals Out: Almost all my meals were home-cooked and enjoyed at the dinner table with friends…if not, I heated up my version of home-cooked—ramen noodles in a cup which I scarfed down at the desk in my hotel room.
Listening (voice): Nada. When I was not with people, I drove from here to there in silence. It was a real delight.
Listening (song most likely on repeat): Did not listen to much, really any, music—see above. You can however check out the Discoball Tour playlist on Spotify which contains every song I listened to over the past four weeks.
Watching: I streamed the Season Premiere of Slow Horses on Apple TV+ when I got into bed in Cleveland on Friday night and it did not disappoint. Not only do I love Gary Oldman as Jackson Lamb (he nails it), but I also love all the other actors/characters. This show has been a fave of mine since it started and so far, the season seems on track. Did I mention Gary Oldman is amazing in this?
Most Hours Logged Doing: The big highlight of my weekend was my visit to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, OH (my last stop on the tour). I also got to record with a dear friend who I have not seen in almost sixteen years when we both lived in NYC…It was awesome.
Monday Morning Meditation: 9.29.25
Today I will seek a place of rest to honor my accomplishments, allow the force of renewal to inspire my heart, and entrust my future endeavors to the grounding of my core.
Is there a topic you would like me to write about in a Monday Missive? Cover in a podcast episode? I am curious about what you are curious about and would love to hear from you so leave a comment below or drop me line.
Yay Hella!! 💞
Sparkle on my sparkly disco ball friend 🪩