It's Just Happening

Tuesday Tidings #6

It’s 7:49am. 26 degrees outside. There’s snow on the ground. Not much but just enough to add to the frozen tundra vibes. The sun peeks through and around the cloud clumps, but it is no match for the frosty, cold air. And inside my car, hat pulled down, scarf wrapped around, and gloves in place, I’m just jamming.

As the car rolls over the mostly empty road, I sing along to The Sun by Kowloon on full blast. I’m on my way to my bestie’s house to have an early morning coffee (before I meet some other besties for a holiday vibes brunch). There is a lot for us to catch up on. And because we have a well-worn (in the best sense of that word) routine, I know that when I get there, the front door will be open, she will make me a cup of decaf coffee with frothed milk and together, we will curl up on the couch while the rest of the household, still be tucked under warm blankets, enjoys the last moments of sleep.

The anticipation of the the ease and comfort, the familiarity (aka intimacy) of all that, fills me with warmth. Which is why, as freezing cold as it is on the outside, as hard as the wind gusts whip against the windshield, this early morning foray a no-brainer. It is a delight.

There is also a little bit of sadness mixed in here. I haven’t seen this bestie in at least two weeks. That is an unusually long time, because normally I see her at least once a week for what is a standing, repeat event in my calendar. “Family Dinner” in the true sense of the word, where everyone, including the kids, sits down at the table to eat, chat, and laugh (sometimes roll eyes or shed tears) as a prelude to playing a game, doing crafts and sharing more stories. It’s a wonderfully communal tradition that has been on-going for over a year. Recently, its more frequent cancelation (due to my absence) is notable and signals a clear shift in my day-to-day life. I know, from experience, that any kind of change like that, even the good kind of change like the one I am in, comes with some grief.

Change is all that I know for sure right now. Otherwise, I don’t know what is (or is not) happening in my life (in a good way). I have given up trying to control outcomes and invested my time into trust (of my God aka Higher Power). Maybe that’s why it is easy for me to feel myself driving towards joy. Not just at my besties house or at brunch. In life. It’s just happening, even if I have no idea (or need to know) what exactly “it” is.

Inevitably, of course, my impatience wants to kick in. Which really means, I want to see some results.

How many more next right steps does it take? When have I logged enough steps? Better yet, where is the moving sidewalk already?

Which is why I make it a point, every morning, to pause and pray before I proceed with any next step I want to take.

This is a big shift. Or is it a change? Either way, it is directly related to the fact that this year (really, in the last six months) I dropped some of the biggest, if not the baddest, and certainly the oldest rocks that I still carried around with me. In the process of letting them go, I also grieved them…I mean, they were with me for a very long time. They were familiar, so, despite me feeling lighter, being without them felt like a loss.

With that loss came an unintended consequence (btw consequences in and of themselves are agnostic, neither good nor bad, but they are the results from the decisions I make or actions I take). Along with those rocks, I removed some of the limitations I still held (maybe still hold on certain days) within myself. I did not expect the liberation (from self) that inspires me to no longer be afraid to embrace my confidence. Today, unlike yesterday, I want to stand, side by side, with others, not shrink below them, which frees me up to be bold in the actions I take, and be big as I own my space (not encroach on yours). Really, I get to be (more of) an adult.

I drive through the center town, up and down a few sloping hills, and always towards the sun. With hardly anyone else on the street, the chilly cold surrounding me, I bop along to my new favorite song, and every time it ends, I start it over from the beginning.

After about ten minutes, I pull up in front of my friend’s house, park the car, grab my bag, and rush up the short walkway. I open the front door and step inside. The light is low. The smell of coffee hangs in the air. And from the other end of the house, I see her pup in his dogggie bed next to the Christmas tree. As soon as he puts two and two together, he jumps up and scurries over to greet me in the hallway.

I take a few more long-ish strides and emerge by the kitchen island. But before I can take off my hat, unwrap my scarf or even put down my gloves, my friend is right there. Without a word, we wrap our arms around each other, press our faces into each other’s shoulders, and hold each other. For the next, almost five minutes, we just stand there.

We have been through a lot of change together, especially in the last twelve or so months.. We have been there with and for each other in the hardship of painful endings and necessary rearrangements. We have celebrated new opportunities and small (or large) victories. And today, as we stand together, we embrace each other just as we are right now.

When the time is right, when “it” is supposed to happen, it will happen.

My chest heaves just a little and I start to cry. Her arms squeeze tighter and she starts to cry. To stand here in the joy of being together even as we feel the sands of life shift beneath our feet, is the best gift ever. It feels like this moment is what this time of the year is supposed to be about.

In a season of waiting for what I know is coming, I want to experience more fully what’s right here, right now, in this moment.

Yes, it’s a busy time. Sure, there’s a lot to do. And of course, my current life means that I am here, then there and then here again. But every time I am with somebody I love, I can bring the feeling of this embrace (in person, on the phone, on the couch, in the car, or on Zoom). I can do that whenever (not just this time of year). When I do, I want to make space for these moments and savor them as the real gifts of this life I love.

This is “it.”

This time of year, for one reason or another, can be very lonely and painful. Often it is fraught with family discord or troubled by upside-down finances, just to name the two that come up for me.

While that can be true any and all times of the year, there is something about the holidays that heightens the stakes. It makes the burden of any one difficulty or pain feel heavier and more excruciating, especially when world events instill even more fear and grief as they lay bare the incomprehensible horror of deep divisions, hatred and terror. I know that has been (and some days is) very true and real for me.

So, if you’re struggling with grief, worry, or fear as you grin and bear the jingles, holiday party pics, and gift-wrapping extravaganzas, just know that you are not alone. I understand. And I care.

Please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber to my Substack. Here is a coupon for 30% off of a paid subscription (valid through 12/31/25). If you prefer to keep it simple, you could buy me a cup of coffee.

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Here is a link to the latest episode from the Discoball Tour Day 9: “Big Texan.” (I’m driving through TEXAS so yeah, it’s big by definition).

FYI—the next few installments of the docu-series will cover my time in Santa Fe, NM…I lived there for four years and left there just over 11 years ago in a shroud of darkness to move east.

There is a lot that comes up for me as I revisit this very difficult time in my life, and there are parts to that story that not many people know. I look forward to sharing some of that through my journey in these short videos of my road trip. It’s another way that I am taking the next right step, using more of my voice, and expressing more of my creativity in the different ways I tell more of my story.

You’re also invited to subscribe to my channel on YouTube and get notified when new episodes release.

And please do me a small favor…

…and help me get the word out about the work I do here, in the podcast and on now on YouTube so I can continue to record and amplify more, different women’s voices.

Meals Out: Well, here’s a twist. I went to Vibrissa for brunch on Sunday (I hear it’s also a great 3rd place if you work from home and need to get out—great comfy couches and armchair and tables…many, MANY seating options!) so I will definitely try that out sometime). And on Saturday, I went to El Centro for lunch, which was the perfect combo of chips, salsa, queso and tacos—rice, no beans (for me).

Ya’ll, if you’re in the Winchester area, whether you live here or just find yourself passing through, do yourself a favor and head downtown to check out any of the amazing restaurants while you pop in and out of shops up and down the outdoor walking wall. Win-win-win!

Listening (voice): OMG. 60 Songs That Explain the 90’s: The 2000s is BAAAAAACK. Well, sort of. This week they dropped a special episode about JEFF BUCKLEY’s cover of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah (I knooooooowwwww!!!), which is amazing. I just love everything about this podcast, and the host, Rob Harvilla, is a true inspiration to me in so, so many ways…like, seriously, if I ever met him, I would be a total fan girl about it so it might be better if I never meet him and just laud him here, from a distance. (The show returns in full in January with VIDEO so I gotta see how they do it…I know it will give me so many ideas).

Listening (song most likely on repeat): Well, of course, The Sun by Kowloon. I cannot listen to this song enough. It’s such a heart-warmer. And perfect for this moment for me. (Link to Apple Music and embed to Spotify).

Watching: Two of my British mystery shows are back with new seasons. Woohoo! And while this season (been a long minute since the last one) is not as fun as the earlier ones, I still love this very east watch. Shakespeare & Hathway on Amazon Prime with BritBox subscription.

Most Hours Logged Doing:

Tuesday Morning Meditation: 12.16.25

Be open to explore, receive, experience, enjoy new possibilities.

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Is there a topic you would like me to write about in a Tuesday Tidings? Cover in a podcast episode? I am curious about what you are curious about and would love to hear from you so leave a comment below or drop me line.