Keeping Commitments
Tuesday Tidings #14
My feet, covered in my indoor slippers, slide across the ice. To keep my balance, I shuffle along, seek respite in the exposed asphalt patch in the middle of the driveway until I reach the roughed up dents aka tire tracks in the snowcrete. Without a coat on, my arms and legs begin to shiver while my gloves keep my fingers nimble. I continue, up and down, back and forth, and add to the growing mound of cardboard recycling next to the garbage can cart.
Every Monday morning, with some exceptions for weather or holidays, the trash gets picked up, and getting ready for that is a routine I wrote about four weeks ago. But last Monday, because of the cold and quite frankly, my stuckedness, I did not put my trash out. I let it pile up.
Kind of like the thoughts in my head.
This winter, and this three week stretch of bitter cold, snow and ice in particular, has been rough for me. (I already wrote about that last week and the week before).
It has also been enlightening and illuminating. It has pared things down and narrowed my focus. In many ways that is a good thing. In some other ways, it fills me with self-doubt. Add in the isolation of staying indoors, the compounding interest of worry, anxiety and fear exacerbates my malaise.
Which is why I am beyond grateful for the slew of regular commitments I have.
Every Monday night, I meet with a small group on Zoom. Every other Wednesday and Sunday night, I am back on Zoom with a different small group. Every Friday morning, I meet, one-on-one, with two different women and every Saturday morning, I meet up with a group in person. In between, I make and take calls (or send and receive texts) to either check in on someone or receive care from someone who is checking in on me. I have been doing a version of that for most of the past twenty years.
Because a long time ago, Barbara (and many others) taught me that I cannot think my way into a positive attitude (about anything), but I can act my way into a different perspective (about everything).
That’s why I have all those commitments—including the commitment to not overcommit, to only say “yes” when I mean “yes” and to pause with “I’ll get back to you” when I need time to decide what I will and can do. All those commitments get me out of me, even if not always (but sometimes) out of the house. They give me a reason to show up when all I want to do is crawl back into bed. And they take me out of my head when all I want to do is figure things out.
And each time I keep a commitment, not only do I feel connected to others but I also build my self-worth and self-respect. I am a woman of my word—to myself. Which is why, on those days when I feel stuck, afraid, or in doubt, and during those times when the winter season’s frigid cold has me cooped up and feeling down, I know I have value.
I have somewhere to be, someone to look after, and something to offer…me.
In this week’s recognition of Black History Month, I am including a link to the National Civil Rights Museum, which I visited last September when I was in Memphis. Through an incredible array of exhibits, it tells the story of the Civil Rights movement, present tense included, and allows you to view the room in the Lorraine Motel in which Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. stayed and outside of which he was assassinated. It was one of the most powerful experiences I have ever had.
If you want to support the ongoing work of the museum through a donation, you can click here:
Lend Support to the National Civil Rights Museum
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Meals Out: Eureka! I had two commitments with besties which meant two meals out…and boy, did I need them—for the socializing. On Friday, I went to lunch at Vibrissa (the chicken-topped focaccia sandwich with fries is amazing) and on Sunday, I had brunch at Paladin Downtown (the breakfast burrito was a hit).
Listening (voice): Whoop, I listened to some podcasts! The standouts were two episodes of Channels with Peter Kafka (link to Apple Podcasts) who always does a great job talking to guests who know the ins and outs of big moves happening in the media world (something I love to nerd out on). The first episode is about the selection of the incoming Disney CEO, Josh D’Amaro…truly enlightening. The second episode focuses on the layoffs at The Washington Post. I especially appreciated Erik Wemple’s insights. He formerly covered media for the Post and is now at the New York Times.
Listening (song most likely on repeat): Clearly, something is shifting (for the better) as I recommit myself to listening to (some) music. And the song Mercy Now by Mary Gauthier (link to Apple Music) has been on repeat since last Wednesday. It brings me great comfort each time I listen to it. It also seems to be softening some part of me towards someone with whom I have felt very closed off. We shall see where that may or may not lead…for today, I will enjoy listening to Mary’s voice and sit with the words without committing myself to any kind of thought or action about what I want or don’t want to do next.
Watching: I did not watch the Super Bowl, take in the halftime show, or see any of the ads. Not for any ideological reasons, but because I had a prior commitment, my bi-monthly Zoom group. I also I don’t have a TV in my house or a subscription to live TV anything. At some point, I may watch a video on YouTube of the Bad Bunny halftime performance. Or I may not. Again, not as any kind of statement about the content or a dismissal of what, by all accounts I read, was a truly joyful celebration of the best of who we are together, but because right now, I am giving myself the space to not do something and that feels really, really good.
Unrelated, during the week, I did finish all five seasons of My Life is Murder. FYI—the last season only has 5 episodes so I got through all of them faster than I expected. Next up is the new season (Season 13) of Father Brown. Clearly I am fully committed to all British/Australian murder mystery shows.
Most Hours Logged Doing: I kept my Saturday morning commitment, my Sunday brunch commitment, and my Sunday night Zoom group commitment. Other than that, I built a fire in my wood stove, traversed the frozen tundra to my neighbors house for a piece of homemade red velvet cake, and finished editing the next video of the Discoball Tour docu-series…something I really procrastinated doing. But I had made a commitment to my subscribers and to myself to get back to those episodes, and even though I wanted to stay in paralysis all weekend, I did it. It’s not perfect. It does reflect where I was at the halfway mark of the tour last September. And after spending time with me then, I recognize how those things are still true and alive in me today. Most importantly, in finishing that task, I kept my word with myself and to others. That feels really, really, REALLY good. (I broke a full week down into three different videos and will send out the post with links at the end of this week).
Tuesday Morning Meditation: 2.10.25
Commitments are the anchors that ground me. When I keep them, they allow me to soar.
Is there a topic you would like me to write about in a Tuesday Tidings? Cover in a podcast episode? I am curious about what you’re curious about so leave a comment below or drop me line.
Keeping commitments is soooo important! Also finding the right balance about them, online, in person, group, one-on-one.
you should come back to Nebraska,.... where apparently winter has forgotten us :-) Love you!