Look Back to Move Forward

Monday Missives #39

True confessions: I am tired. Like, really tired (which is why today’s Monday Missive is coming out “late”). After I returned home from Alabama, I turned around a week later, drove to New York with a bestie and attended a women’s retreat. It was a wild ride with many traffic jams, circular movements, lots of deep conversations, and tons of laughs.

All of that movement—not just in the last week, but in the last six weeks, well, really, the last six months, made me think back to one year ago. Last October, done with the rewrites of my book and no longer going to a job working for someone, I sat in my sunroom with no idea where to go or what to do. Consumed by worry and fear, I felt stressed by the stillness and the quiet.

The post below, "I do, therefore I am?", is the first real post I put up here. It was a beginning with no real sense of direction. All I knew then was that I needed to do it, and if I did that, I would begin to move forward. Maybe.

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I feel so much gratitude that my future self (aka today self) spoke to my past self (aka last October self) and let her know it is ok to rest and enjoy the quiet. And I am grateful I listened. Despite my discomfort with it, I allowed myself to just be and grieve (or begin to grieve) while I sat in my armchair and watched the birds enjoy the bird feeder just outside my window. I rested.

But I had more fear, really, I had some anger. I held it so tightly it threatened to derail me completely, so I said yes to three different women’s retreats peppered in-between two training weekends for the somatic partitioner certification I started (it is a four-year program and I officially graduate Spring 2028). That means, I went to 5 different retreats in 7 weeks. Little did I know this was the expansion I was asked to embrace (and which I wrote about in the post "In-Between") right before I went to the first of those five retreats.

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After all those retreats, many more tears, and tons of letting go, I arrived at the end of 2024 with some clear ideas of who I am, what I do, and where I want to go. Some of those are in my post “So, what do you do for work? Nothing.”

And that was only the beginning. Once the calendar turned over into 2025, I began to post my weekly Monday Missives, started a podcast, wrote longer pieces, drove across the country for 4-weeks to record women’s stories on the Discoball Tour (during which I finished my book proposal), and, most recently, was invited to cross-post with Mark Willis on The Rewritten Path and share (part of) my story in recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Next weekend my somatic training starts up again and, on a personal note, I am exploring the next level of a romantic relationship.

No wonder I am tired. Or, as my bestie put this weekend, “Your soul needs some time to catch up.”

So, inspired by what I learned (the hard easy way) this time last year, I will not post a Monday Missives next Monday October 27th (I will put up a re-issue of an older post) or release a new episode of the podcast next Wednesday October 29th or Wednesday November 5th. I will take this hiatus so I can sit in my armchair in my sunroom, watch the birds flutter around, and enjoy the quiet stillness I now find so comfortable (and comforting).

I will offer myself time to rest so my soul can catch up.

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I spent the weekend at a retreat (and three days before that driving across seven states) so I will skip my usual Monday rundown since, to be honest, I did not listen to, watch or “do” anything.

Before I go, I want to shout out Liz and her Welcome to the Lizard Lounge posts. She is one of my fave reads and she has excellent taste in music. Check her out!

Monday Morning Meditation: 10.20.25

We heal each other with our stories. When I hear how it worked out for you, I can believe that it will work out for me.

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Is there a topic you would like me to write about in a Monday Missive? Cover in a podcast episode? I am curious about what you are curious about and would love to hear from you so leave a comment below or drop me line.