New Starting Point

Tuesday Tidings #36: on acceptance, the messy middle, and choosing to proceed without knowing what comes next

Underneath the backyard pergola, I am nestled in a comfy patio chair. I grab a slice of salami and cheese, place them on a cracker, and savor the mix of textures. Occasionally, I pop a green seedless grape into my mouth (but skip the veggies because I’m not a crudité gal). With my feet propped on the coffee table, I lean back. Next to me, a fan circulates the warm air, and helps move along the breeze as it passes through. Fully at ease, I chuckle along with two of my besties.

It has been a minute since we have been together. And the timing for this gathering could not be more perfect.

Between my trip to Asheville two weeks ago, the anniversary of Barbara’s passing (which I somehow missed in the moment), and making a start in the basement last weekend, the (internal and external) emotional processing has been intense. Good. And intense.

Which is why I am beyond grateful that I have not only learned, but also put into practice, all the hard and easy lessons of the last six months. I surrendered some old ideas about money. I made space in my home. And I faced the avoidance within myself which allowed me to address some realities outside of myself. I stopped pushing myself to be anywhere but where I am right now.

Today, now is sitting with my besties, enjoying a free-wheeling range of conversational topics, and laughing. Without needing to be anywhere (or do) anything else, my phone sits, unattended, on the ground next to my chair. On purpose.

All this is the result of one key choice I made in late spring: to focus on one main task every day, and once I completed it, to not fill up the rest of the day with busyness. The result has been more free time to feel where I actually am. And from there, more, different spaces have opened up. That chain reaction, which took place without any concerted effort on my part (well, except for that decision and a daily choice to put it into action), came to a crescendo when I made a start in the basement last week.

Ever since, I moved through the often heavy, not always pleasant emotions as they arose. I went from confronting reality to giving it creative expression in my writing and in calls for support to my besties. And this weekend, an unprompted text from him about making a plan to get his things came through (followed by a second one). I have no idea what prompted that. And to be honest, it does not really matter. What matters is that without realizing it, that one, seemingly isolated decision to make a start now finds me approaching a resolution.

I know it’s not done. I know I’m not done. But even that’s part of the point. None of this, none of me, is ever done. I mean, I was tempted to feel bad that I did not send the first text.

Because there is no perfection.

It is however about acceptance—of what is and of who I am. When I can do that, all the messy, untidy parts are baked into, not separate from, the process. Choosing, every day, to step out into yet another unknown and to trust that I will have all that I need when I need it (especially when I have no idea yet what that actually is) is the only thing that matters.

Because as long as there is movement, there is growth. The movement is not a push ahead. It does not mean one more thing I need to do. It is not something I force or manufacture. It is just a simple, daily decision to proceed through whatever may sit in front of me—whether it is of my own making or someone else’s.

From that decision, the flow (or current) emerges. On its own. And often, in surprising ways. Once it does, it moves with an ease and an excitement that no amount of planning, forcing, or overdoing can make happen. It allows me to hold the past versions of myself with grace and compassion, and recognize that each one of them made it possible for me to be where I am today.

Today is simply a new starting point.

Which brings me to tomorrow’s episode of the podcast. “Bringing Language to It” is my conversation with Cri (pronounced “Cree”), and the fourth and final episode in the series “Becoming the Proof.” It was recorded in late March. At the time, much of what is now resolving itself was only just emerging and becoming visible to me.

With only glimpses of the disconnected dots, I began to do the kind of work which Cri (a professor in the graduate Communications Design program at Pratt Institute in NYC, and founder/CEO of MESSWORK) talks about. And much like those dots are now coming together into a more complete picture, this conversation closes out the series with the woman who gives the often messy process of getting there its name.

What one thing, however small, do you do every day as your starting point?

I would love to hear from you. Hit reply or leave a comment.

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Tuesday Morning Meditation: 7.14.26

Every day, I can choose the risk of living without dismissing my troubles or fearing my happiness.

Coming up:

Tomorrow, new episode, “Bringing Language to It” with Cri Gabriele, and series finale of “Becoming the Proof,” drops into the feed. Since I have already said my one thing about it for today, I’ll simply invite you to come back tomorrow and listen in.

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