No Longer Living In a Prison of My Own Making
Monday Missives #14 (On the Road Edition)
For years I lived in witness protection from my own life. Now, I am way out here in the wide open, no longer afraid to be seen or heard. That’s why, as scary as it felt to do it, I posted my essay Speak the Truth last week. (Thank you to all who read it and to anyone who reached out to me, I am beyond grateful for all the comments, messages and responses you sent to me). Ever since I took that leap of faith, I have felt a new level of freedom within myself. That means I am no longer afraid (at least, not today; maybe tomorrow and even then, I will keep going anyway). So, now I am shifting gears and planning for the next piece of what it means for me to live free.
As part of recording and producing my podcast (launching May 14th btw), I plan to criss cross, east/west, north/south, parts of the US and record women’s stories in various cities along the way. It is me doing my Camino my way (and, according to my bestie Lulu, for me to do that, I do not need to fly all the way to Spain and walk the actual Camino).
To prep for my cross-country tour (which will happen in spurts throughout the summer and into the fall; the longest part of which I’m doing in September when I drive all the way to Santa Fe, NM and back), I have been doing some recon while traveling (on my first proper vacation in almost three years) with my oldest brother, sister-in-law and niece (who is an early twenties Gen Z-er whom I call not only my roommate but also my TikTok tour guide because she finds all the best things for us to do while the rest of us, two Gen X-ers and a Boomer, stumble around on the Google—or in my case, DuckDuckGo) on how I want to organize my solo adventure.
(Side note: I have been speaking German 24-7 for five days straight which means I have been talking about all the things and sharing (deep and not so deep) thoughts about everything and nothing in German for the first time in years…I even caught myself counting in my head in German, something I have not done in at least thirty years).
And since I will be adding a paid subscription section for all things behind-the-scenes from my driving tour (and other creative stuff I do when I’m at home as well as longer written pieces “from the vault”), I’m turning today’s Monday Missives into an ad hoc sample of what that road trip content will be like (except, when I’m traveling solo, I will do more video pieces but on this trip, I’m being present with my fam). That also means that instead of the usual thoughts followed by a recap of what I did over the weekend etc., I’m posting a list of some things I (re)learned on this trip about what to do when traveling.
When you’re in a new (or familiar) to you city, take an Uber, cable car, bus or taxi—really, any mode of transportation which facilitates meeting people you would otherwise never meet. When we did that, I chatted with each driver and learned all sorts of things. One driver Roy, and I talked about the airline passenger in Belize who got shot by a fellow passenger after he stabbed someone (how did a knife or a gun, never mind both, make it through security and onto that plane?) because it came across on the news on the radio while we were in his car. We both agreed the world has gone totally feral and that, sadly, nothing surprises us any more. I talked to a different driver, Amit, who emigrated thirty years ago from Jordan, who is 54, and who has four kids (two in college, two in middle school). We talked about how Waymo (aka creepy self-driving cars which require you to sign in with Google to hire—ugh) sucks (not just because it takes away peoples jobs but also because there is no driver to talk to and get to know—I did tell him that we took two rides in those cause I wanted to experience it for myself before forming an opinion…I now consider it formed). Anyway, Amit used to operate several cafes in the financial district in San Francisco but lost everything when COVID shut down the world and people started to work from home. Now he’s driving Ubers and thinking about opening up a cafe again (he assured me he makes the BEST coffee and I believe him). Then there was Khaled (not the DJ but close cause this Khaled’s dad is from Jordan but his mom is from the US), a taxi driver who also drives for Uber (he alternates based on the load), who explained to me how he uses the digital airport queue to decide when to head to the airport and line up with dispatch. When we got into the car, he was excited to share about the job interview he just finished at Salesforce right before we got into his cab (FYI—notice of a second-round interview came through before he dropped us off at our destination—yay Khaled!). He had recently moved back to SF from MN where he was working as part of a civil engineering crew laying new fiber optics (but he did not enjoy excavating in the cold).
Khaled And in Monterey, when we got on a boat (another mode of transportation filled with lots of people) for a whale watching tour, I met Harold and his wife (I did not catch her name), tourists from Germany driving up the coast (not down like us) and Devin, the deckhand and former crabber who got fired from his last job in a doctor’s office because he spoke up about how the patients were being treated (badly) and now takes people out fishing or on whale watching tours. We bonded over how awesome it is to do what you love and to love what you do. Also, Devin lives in Big Sur (in the Redwood forest part) in a house without central heat so after a long day out on the water, he fires up the wood stove to keep warm (then he clarified that he only does that when he has guests; when it’s just him, he puts on a thicker sweater to stay warm—I told him I do the same thing instead of turning up the heat because I want to save money on the electric bill).
Bring your re-fillable water bottle. But if you forget it at home (like I did) or lose it along the way, you can re-use and re-fill the Evian water bottle you got in your hotel room from the water fountain (if there is one) in the hotel hallway. Those bottles don’t have to be single use!
Do not be afraid to talk to strangers on the street. We went to the Full House house (aka where John Stamos, I mean, Uncle Jesse lived with Bob Saget, I mean, Danny Tanner, David Coulier, I mean, Joey, and the Olsen twins, I mean Michelle Tanner) and met a bride-to-be celebrating her bachelorette weekend with friends (her sweatshirt, bag and gold sneakers with “BRIDE” in gold letters on the front were a dead giveaway) so we chatted about her upcoming nuptials and took this picture.
When your big bro invites a former school friend he has not seen since a reunion in Cologne, Germany about 30 years ago (he’s a lot like me or I’m a lot like him—he loves connecting with people and spending quality time with them even if he has not seen them in forever) to join us in SF for the night (she lives in Sacramento), take her to an amazing Japanese-Peruvian fusion restaurant with a DJ (that your niece found on TikTok) and then chat with her the next morning in the hotel lobby about her experience growing up in the same German bubble you did and what it’s like working as an EMDR trauma therapist (side note: she is one of the few people I have told about my training program who knew exactly what a somatic practitioner is and does). Her encouragement (and unsolicited offer) to connect me with people for both my training and my podcast felt like confirmation of my decision to combine all the things I am and do. She also pointed out, randomly, that I was a total a Cali girl…I told you I was born in the wrong time zone, didn’t I? (wait, did I? well, if not, now I did).
Keep an eye out for lost property (because one day, it could be yours). At our last stop in SF (Golden State Park), I found someone’s phone on the floor in the bathroom and was able to return it to the lady it belonged to because she was part of a large group that happened to still be gathered outside. When I asked if anyone was missing their phone, she came over to me (the pic on her Lock Screen was definitely her) and when I handed the phone to her, she called me a lifesaver. I don’t know about all that but it certainly was a human-tech crossover moment that made it clear to me that I need one to get by and the other to thrive. I invite you to decide which is which for yourself.
To save on food costs (eating out three times a day gets mad expensive on the road), have one big meal (lunch is the German way), keep protein bars or pre-made shakes on hand, and prepare a simple crudité platter for dinner in your hotel room. (When I head out on my own, I will be staying with friends so I’ll have other options including a home-cooked meal…which I’d help make except that we all know I don’t cook so I’ll offer to get the groceries and definitely clean up the kitchen and load/empty the dishwasher among other acts of service).
Just in case your trip might possibly include off-roading on foot down to a cove just past a mini waterfall in Big Sur (or similar vibes), make sure to pack hiking boots or at least something with a real tread (unlike the shoes I wore).
Make space for yourself to have your morning time in a quiet place (like the hotel lobby very early in the morning or in the bay window behind the curtain) to read and write so that you’re (spiritually) fit to enjoy a packed day of adventure (because you’re out of your usual routine and around people all day that you love and want to be present with so take care of yourself first). That was another pro tip I got from Lulu and one that I am implementing quite successfully.
If you’re working on your new post as you go (like, walking down the sidewalk in the city, along the pier by the ocean, or up the trail in the mountains) make sure to look up while you type into your Notes app (especially when you’re sitting in the backseat of the car and driving along the coast line). Otherwise you might miss something really important (I did that a few times so I stopped multi-tasking).
And finally, have a loose plan, which means have a start and end point to each day (and a rough idea of what you might want to do or see) and then stop often along the way (and definitely any time something catches your eye) instead of rushing past the most beautiful spots you may ever, ever see*.
*Barbara always said: when you tell your story, have a beginning and an end in your mind but let God fill in the middle.
And now for some other highlights:
This is the soundtrack aka Spotify playlist “West Coast Trip” we are building as we go. It’s heavy on German songs, some of which I know and most of which I have never heard before.
Here are some of the places where we had a meal (mostly lunch but sometimes dinner):
San Francisco, CA
Santa Cruz, CA
Monterey, CA
Not a food thing but a thing we did: Chris’ Fishing & Whale Watching
Sly’s Refueling Station (where we had a small dinner and also sang karaoke)
Monday Meditation: 4.21.25
I will never do it perfectly or get it right 100% of the time. And I will keep going and practicing. While I do that, I will stay open, honest and willing towards myself and others. I will “easy does it,” and I will do it.
Really good points of advice for traveling. Loving this road trip. That Lulu is certainly a wise woman. I would love to meet her one day.
Beautiful🩵 A great “warm up” trip for the Hella Tour this summer!