Do Not Disturb

Tuesday Tidings #15

In the early, pre-sunrise morning, the porch lights glow. The fresh snow cover transforms the dirty mounds from the last big storm into pristine glaciers. Between the early morning hour and the overcast sky, everything has a subdued, bluish hue. And, because of the Monday holiday, the sidewalk is mostly deserted. The only tracks are from the footsteps I made on my way to get a coffee on the corner.

This is my prime time.

Every day (almost), I get up at 6am (even on weekends and holidays) without setting an alarm. Over the next two hours, I drink up the stillness along with a cup of coffee and a smoothie while I do my morning meditation. Then I get to work, sift through the ideas that float around in my head and decide how to execute on the ones I decide to keep. It is the time of the day when I am most on point.

But this morning, I am disturbed. Not by my thoughts or by a deadline but by a flurry of incoming messages.

On my phone, I have most notifications turned off (including vibrate). The ringer is permanently silenced. The only notices that are active are the pop-up banners that come through when someone sends me a text message. Or a WhatsApp message. Or a Signal message. Otherwise, unless I actively choose to seek out information, engage in conversation or scroll through the ads of my Instagram feed, I am outside of any kind of loop. I have no idea what’s happening out there in the world.

And I like it that way.

Because every day brings something about which to be legitimately outraged. Almost worse than that is what happens next. The latest fill-in-the-blank leads to a never-ending stream of (usually online) shouting matches. I watch people dig in, lash out and tear down (from what, for them, is a righteous place), and I hear their pain and fear (really, my pain and fear) transform into disgust and disdain towards one another.

Every day, my heart breaks into bigger and bigger pieces.

Part of how I hold those pieces (or put them back) together is to be in several (as in 8) group chats (across all the messaging platforms I mentioned above). Sometimes, they get quite active. Like, really active. And this morning, three out of the eight chat groups are lit up (at the same time), which means my phone’s lock screen transforms into a mosaic of pop-up message banners.

There is no emergency. There is no breaking news. Each message is part of an exchange of ideas, thoughts, and updates that creates a sense of community and which on most days, I am more than happy to receive. In fact some days, I am the one who gets the ball rolling in one or more of those group chats.

But this morning, after a restless night of sleep and with a long list of to-dos piled up on my desk, I am already sitting at my computer. By 7am, barely done with my morning meditation, I am trying to address the disturbance in my mind with busyness. And to do that, I need to focus. I need to think.

Which is why, as the banners continue to pop up on my phone and the pings ding on my laptop (note to self: turn off the notifications on the computer), my breath gets shallower while my heart races faster. Then my eyes narrow into laser beams. My first thought is “what the hell, what’s going on this morning.” My second thought is to double down on that first thought, get mad at them (the people sending all these messages, replies, and emojis), and proverbially stomp off by removing every single chat group in protest.

That’s when I catch myself and remember something I memorized a long time ago.

“Every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.”

The real problem is not outside of me. It is inside of me. Unacknowledged, it has the power to wreak all kinds of destruction, even with (or, I would say, especially with) something minor and inconsequential. It threatens to make matters worse rather than help me be part of the solution. It also does not mean that I am bad, wrong or shameful. It does not mean that some of the things happening in the world are not bad, wrong or shameful. It simply means that when I am disturbed, for any reason, I get to reflect on my reactions and dig a little bit deeper to find out what is going with me.

I get to make the unconscious in me conscious to me.

From there, I can see that I have choices. I get to decide how I want to show up and what I want to do while I leave others to do (or not do) what they are going to do however they choose to do it. I can care for myself as a response, not judge someone else as a reaction.

Which is why, I swipe down from the top right corner of my phone, press on the Focus settings and select “Do Not Disturb.”

For now, and for however long I leave that setting turned on, that feels like the most loving thing I can do for anyone I care about, including me.

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Meals Out: I went on an outing to Panepinto Bakery in Queens, NYC over the weekend. I had a sandwich and enjoyed a surprise love treat. Their dessert selection is anything but disturbing…it is amazing.

Listening (voice): I am on a serious roll when it comes to Channels with Peter Kafka (link to Apple Podcasts). This time, I was especially taken with Joe Wiesenthal’s recounting of the early days of his podcast Odd Lots (before started before podcasting was what it is now; true confession: I have not listened to it but after hearing him on this episode, I may give it a try). I found it helpful in terms of how he describes how it took time for Odd Lots to find its voice (so relate!) and why he is not keen on going out on his own (and leaving Bloomberg to do it). Listened to this conversation right when I felt quite disturbed (aka stuck) about what I need/want to do next with and for my podcast. It helped me gain some much needed insight and perspective (which I do not need to translate into any kind of immediate action).

Listening (song most likely on repeat): During my most recent, 5-hour long-distance drive (there is no beating Windshield Time…best time to process and cleanse the mind, especially, but not only, when I am disturbed), I mostly listened to rough cuts of the next two episodes of my podcast (and made mental notes about where I need to edit). In between, I made a few phone calls (I love chatting with my besties while I am on the road), and bopped along to some old fave tunes. The stand out of those is 3 Days by Rhye. I just love it. Listening to it takes me back to a very specific time about three years ago, when I was no longer living in a near-constant state of disturbed but also still learning to embrace all the good in my life.

Watching: I was surprised to discover another episode in Season 5 of My Life is Murder. Maybe, hopefully, there will be one more (spoiler alert: there are two more to finish the season for a total of 8 episodes…yay!) In the meantime, I did start Season 13 of Father Brown. Such a cozy murder mystery show that is anything but disturbing (except, well, for the murder part of course).

Most Hours Logged Doing: For the past four days, I have averaged around 7,500 steps each day (which is way up from where I was during the deeply disturbing deep freeze in January and early February). This weekend, walks have been my cornerstone activity around watching some of the Olympics and going to bed early. Oh, and I also added in regular classes at Queens Community Yoga when I am up north. Such a lovely studio.

Tuesday Morning Meditation: 2.17.25

I get to make the unconscious in me conscious to me.

(I liked that as a mantra for today so repeating it from above).

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Is there a topic you would like me to write about in a Tuesday Tidings? Cover in a podcast episode? I am curious about what you’re curious about so leave a comment below or drop me line.